Play the top card of the discard pile
OR play the bottom card of the discard pile
OR put a card from the discard pile into your hand and discard a card.
Action: Remove target Thing from the game and eliminate yourself.
Thing - Townsperson
If another of your Things would be destroyed, you may either discard a card to prevent its destruction or draw a card.
Any player may gain control of this card by destroying a Money token or discarding a card whose ruletext contains every letter in this card's title.
Thing - Townsperson
If another of your Things would be destroyed, you may instead return it to your hand along with Vigilant Bodyguard. Alternatively, if it would be destroyed by an opponent's Thing, you may instead destroy that Thing and Vigilant Bodyguard.
Thing - Townsperson
You may immediately draw a card whenever your hand becomes empty. Your maximum hand size is increased by one for every Townsperson you control. At the end of your turns, you may draw one card and discard one card.
Channel The Forebears
You may play cards by ChippyYYZ as though they were Actions with the text "Draw three cards."
Other players may play cards by ChippyYYZ as though they were Actions with the text "Draw two cards."
Play into another player's control.
Discard a card when you gain this. Your maximum hand size is reduced by 1.
When you play this, move the top two Things in the discard pile under it in an order.
This has the first sentence of each Thing under it as extra ruletext (in that order), the last words of their names as an extra name, and their flavortexts (if any) as extra flavortext.
Return target Thing in the discard pile to play under your control. At the start of your next turn, destroy it.
Infinite Dvorak Roulette
Change this card's text to 'When you draw this, lose the game.' and shuffle it back into the deck.
Destroy all Things you control. Put all Things in your hand into play under your control.
Action + Action + Action: Play all Action cards in your hand. They do not count towards your Action limit this turn.
Action: Put an Action token on this card. Action tokens may be used instead of your Action each turn to pay for this card's abilities.
Play this card as a copy of another card in your hand. Reveal that card as you play Projection.
At the beginning of your turn, put Garnet Gauntlets on another Thing you control. That Thing is blank while Garnet Gauntlets is on it.
Action and Thing: Destroy target Thing.
Whenever you discard a card, you may put a blank Thing or Action card into your hand.
Action: Gain a Movie Token.
Whenever you would play an action, instead put it underneath Master Procrastinator. When Master Procrastinator is destroyed, its controller plays all cards underneath it.
Punish The Lazy
Players may not draw cards unless they played at least one card on their previous turn.
Fog Investment Bank
For the purposes of all other cards, this has one Fog Token on it. Fog Investment Bank enters play with 10 Fog Tokens on it. Each turn, it gains one Fog Token for each 10 Fog Tokens on it. Action: Remove a Fog Token from this card and put it on target Thing.
Target opponent can't take Actions or play non-Snipe Things on their next turn unless doing so destroys a Snipe. At the end of their turn, if they destroyed a Snipe, they draw two cards; otherwise, they discard a card at random.
Thing - Bird
When Snipe becomes a target, it returns to your hand. A player who destroys Snipe may draw three cards if any of their own Things survive.
When you play this, put target Thing Up Your Sleeve. When this leaves play, return that Thing to its controller if it's still Up Your Sleeve.
When you play this, either write your name on it or win the game. You may only choose to win the game if the names of all players in the game are written on it. Then, shuffle it into the deck.
Either put a Control token on target Thing and then return this card to your hand, or else gain control of all Things in play with Control tokens on them.
Protection From can be played as either an Action or a thing. If this is played as an Action, destroy target Thing. If this is played as a Thing, it cannot be targeted by Actions.
This card comes into play with 1d6 Countdown tokens. At the end of each player's turn, destroy a Countdown token. If there are no Countdown tokens in play, destroy all Things. Action (global): This card gains 1d6 Countdown tokens.
Remove target Thing from play until the end of its controller's next turn.
Every player may draw a card when this card is played. At the end of each player's turn, they must give a card from their hand to each of the opponents to their left and right; if they cannot, they are eliminated.
Draw a card and gain an energy token.
If you have three or fewer cards in your hand, return Gather Power to your hand.
Action: Discard three cards. If you do, draw three cards.
Whenever you play a card from your hand, rotate Spin Attack 90° clockwise. When Spin Attack completes a clockwise rotation, you may destroy target Thing.
Gain control of target Thing. Return it at the end of your next turn, or discard your hand if you can't return it.
When a Thing you control would be targeted by an Action or activated ability, add a Bureaucracy token to Due Process. The card that targeted your Thing has no effect and is returned to its owner's hand. Then, if there are more Bureaucracy tokens on Due Process than there are players, revolutionize your administrative policies and destroy Due Process.
When you play Timewaster, return it to your hand and immediately end the current turn.
Whenever a Thing enters play under the control of any player, this card becomes a copy of it. The copy retains the original text of Imprinted Shapeshifter in addition to the text of the card it is copying.
Most Important Meal of the Day
You may draw an extra card at the beginning of your turns.
Draw a number of cards equal to the number of players and lay them face up on the table. Starting with you and proceeding in order, every player may select one to put into their hand.
Novelty Cookie Cutter
When this card enters play, specify a token type whose name does not appear on any Things currently in play. Action: Gain a token of the specified type.
Scabbard of Fate and Freedom
Action: Remove Scabbard of Fate and Freedom from the game. Choose three random Thing cards from the Swords booster pack. Create a copy of one of those cards and put it into play.
At the beginning of each player's turn, before they draw a card, that player may look at the top card of the deck. If it's a Thing, that player may put it into play.
At the end of your turn, you may look at the top card of the deck. If its creator is ChippyYYZ, you may play it immediately.
"As expected, production is up in all regions. Particularly those in which I have invested." -ChippyYYZ, log entry
Reversal of Fortune
The player with the most cards in hand must discard until they have the same number as the player with the fewest. Then the player with the fewest may draw the same number of cards from the draw pile and/or the top of the discard pile, in any combination.
Play this card into any player's control. At the end of your turns, a random Thing of yours and a random Thing controlled by an opponent each get a Corruption token. Things with one are considered to have no abilities; Things with two are considered to have no ruletext. If a Thing has three Corruption tokens, destroy it and replace it with a copy of this card.
A player may not draw cards if they drew any cards during their previous turn.
Your maximum hand size is reduced by 1.
Whenever you discard a card due to max hand size, gain a Crate token.
Action:Destroy up to two Crates you control to draw that many cards.
When Giant Crate is destroyed, draw two cards
Action:Destroy Giant Crate
Each opponent discards a random card. You gain a Crate token for each Thing discarded.
Oath of Fëanor
Create three Things with the title "Silmaril" and the text "Indestructible. When only Fëanor controls any Silmarils, Fëanor wins the game. Fëanor cannot otherwise win the game while a Silmaril is in play." and shuffle them into the deck. Remove Oath of Fëanor from the game.
You are now Fëanor.
Instead of playing a Thing this turn, you may draw two cards.
Draw two cards and end your turn.
Thing: This ability has an identical effect to any Action card that you have played this turn. Then destroy Psaphonic Reiteration. If that Action card was by ChippyYYZ, return it to your hand.
Draw a number of cards equal to the number you drew during your previous turn.
Destroy a Thing; its former controller gains two Crate tokens.
Action Booster Pack
Draw cards until you have drawn three Actions; keep them and shuffle the rest into the draw pile.
Thing Booster Pack
Draw cards until you have drawn three Things; keep them and shuffle the rest into the draw pile.
Only one of Card Generator's abilities may be used per turn.
Action: Draw cards until you draw an Action; keep it and shuffle the rest into the draw pile.
Thing: Draw cards until you draw a Thing; keep it and shuffle the rest into the draw pile.
Discard two other Action cards. If you do, destroy up to three target Things.
Video Game Loot
Once per turn, when a Token is destroyed, flip a coin. On a heads, draw a card. If the destroyed token was a Crate token, the flip is automatically heads.
Action: Target player reveals a random card from their hand. They discard it unless it's the only card in their hand or its creator is ChippyYYZ.
"Why do you even bother trying to have opinions? I'm really doing you a favor by lending you mine." -ChippyYYZ
Copy the most recent Action played. If that Action's creator is ChippyYYZ, one-up it by drawing a card afterwards.
Destroy all Tokens. Each player draws a card for each of their Crate tokens destroyed this way. You draw a card for every 5 other Tokens destroyed (limit 5 cards).
When you play this, gain two Crate tokens.
At the start of your turn, you may destroy one of your Crate tokens to draw a card.
Everything Is Probably Mostly Fine
Destroy a Thing that has imposed a restriction on your ability to draw or play cards.
When you play Cargo Ship, move it to Up Your Sleeve. It is in transit for two full turns. On your third turn since playing it, return it to play. Once per turn while it is in play, gain a Crate token with "Action: Destroy this and draw a card."
Append this card's ruletext to an Action in your hand.
Destroy all things created by ChippyYYZ. If a Thing you control is destroyed this way, you may draw two cards and you may put a Thing by ChippyYYZ from your hand into play.
" '[REDACTED]' -ChippyYYZ's journal"
-ChippyYYZ's new journal
Play in response to an Action not created by ChippyYYZ that would destroy one or more Things not created by ChippyYYZ. That Action destroys none of those Things. Each player who controls that Action or one of those Things draws a card.
"Hold still, darn it! I'm trying to debug your friendship!"-ChippyYYZ
Play when you or a Thing you control becomes the target of an Action. That Action targets a random target instead.
If that Action is by ChippyYYZ, that Action targets a target of your choice instead.
"They sought to turn my own weapon against me, but its every nuance had its source in my thought. It could not help but function according to my design." -ChippyYYZ, log entry
Destroy a Thing. If its creator was ChippyYYZ, you may play a Thing into any player's control. If its creator is also ChippyYYZ, draw five cards. If you played it into the control of the same player whose original Thing you destroyed, they discard their hand first.
Cards under this card are considered to have no ruletext. Action: Discard a card to place target Thing under this card. Action (global): Regain control of one of your Things that was placed under this card.
Target player realizes that they got bitten, probably sometime during their previous turn. They must discard a card and their maximum hand size is decreased by 1 until the end of their next turn.
Gain three Sheep Tokens.
B, A, A.
Look at the top 5 cards of the deck. Play two of them.
When you would draw a card, draw it from the top or bottom of the discard pile. If you can't, destroy Trash Admiral.
If no Things have been destroyed since your last turn, look at target opponent's hand. If they have a card that could destroy a Thing, they must discard their hand.
Positronic Flux Regulator
Whenever you would discard a card, besides at the end of your turn, draw a card instead.
Activate an ability chosen at random from those on all Things in play.
At the start of your turn, win the game if you control more than twice as many crates as the number of remaining players.
Action:Discard a card. If it's a Thing, gain a Crate token.
When you lose Cargo Cult, destroy all your Crates and draw that many cards.
Target Thing becomes a Crate with the text "Action:Destroy this and draw a card".
Summon: George Washington
Play immediately in response to an opponent's Action. Flip a coin to nullify its effect. If it was to have an effect on your hand or any Thing you control, it is nullified automatically instead.
"The disorders and miseries, which result, gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual..."
The Doge of Venice
Set your hand aside. Draw six cards, discard two, draw five more, discard three at random and three more of your choice, then draw eight cards and discard four of your choice and three more at random. Choose one of the remaining cards to play and discard the others.
If it please you.
Play this card into any player's control.
When you would play a card, instead select two cards from your hand. Clairvoyant Octopus chooses one of them at random for you to play. If a per-turn limit prevents you from playing the card Clairvoyant Octopus has chosen, you play nothing instead.
Play this card into any player's control.
Action: Draw a card. Only any other player may use this ability.
"What's everybody looking at? Do I have something on my face?"
Put a Crate Token into play and return Cargomancy to your hand, OR destroy any number of Crates you control to draw that many cards.
Put a Crate Token into play and return Greater Cargomancy to your hand. Instead of playing a Thing this turn, you may put a Crate Token into play.
Destroy any number of Crates you control to draw that many cards.
Destroy one Thing for each card played this turn (limit 5).
Your opponents' maximum hand sizes are reduced by the number of Nodes you control plus the number of Nodes they control (limit 4).
Effects that count Nodes are limited to 4 Nodes.
Each player discards two cards. You draw a card for each red card discarded (limit 5).
Invented by a vampire mad scientist
Randomly select one of the top four Actions in the discard pile and play it again.
Action: Create a Pastry, Muffin, or Brownie token. Action: Target opponent pays you a card from their hand to buy one such token.
Negatronic Flux Regulator
Whenever you would draw a card, besides at the beginning of your turn, discard a card instead.
Thing - Pony
Action: For each player, blank the ruletext of target Thing with ruletext that player controls.
When you play an Action card, you may play another Action card if it has less than half as many words as the first. This doesn't count towards your Action per turn limit.
I only played 1.3 actions this turn, I'm below the legal limit, I swear.
Neutronic Flux Regulator
Whenever you play a card, discard a card. If you do, draw a card.
When you play an Action card, you may play another Action card if it has more than twice as many words as the first. Only the final Action played in this way counts toward your Action per turn limit.
Play immediately in response to an opponent's Action card. Play an Action card with more than twice as many words. Your opponent's Action is nullified and yours takes place instead.
Round a number on a Thing in play or a card in your hand to the nearest power of 2.
If the number is of the form 3·2n, you choose which way to round it.
Thing: Put an Action card from your hand into play face-up. It counts as a Thing while it's in play. For as long as it remains in play, its controller may play it on their turn without it counting towards their cards per turn.
Thing - Pony
Actions can't target or destroy ponies you control.
When a Thing you control would be destroyed, you may erase a sentence from Shining Armor's ruletext instead.
Things your teammates control count as Things you control for Shining Armor's effects.
Whenever a card in the discard pile is played, put into play, or put into a player's hand, gain a Garbage Token.
Action: Recycle any three Garbage Tokens to draw a card and return a card from the discard pile to your hand.
Power Bottling Plant
At the start of each turn, place an Action token on this card. Once per turn you may sacrifice any number of Action tokens. If you do, the Action cost of the next activated ability you use this turn is lowered by the number of tokens sacrificed this way, to a minimum of zero actions.
Gain control of all tokens owned by players who control more tokens than non-token Things.
Destroy target Thing, and all Things that do not share any letters in their title with that Thing's title.