"Things just happen, dammit!!!"
While this card is in play, no cards with the words "cosmos" or "universe" in them have any effect, and no-one can look through the deck for any reason.
"Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a ____!"
Select any number of tokens under your control. Destroy them, and replace them with that many doctor tokens.
Sickbay on the NCC-1701. A place to avoid, if you have a red shirt.
Play this card when you would be eliminated. Destroy one hundred tokens or Things to stay in the game
Mario not-a die that easy!
For all non-victory purposes, all players are assumed to have an infinite amount of Mana Tokens.
Nixie may not be destroyed unless you have no other Things in play. Action: Have any two of your opponents switch hands. If you only have one opponent, draw a card instead.
[The Democracy Card]
This card's title, colour and text are decided by majority vote once it comes into play. Once this card has had its title, colour and text decided, it comes under the control of a random player.
Under-Secretary's Second Assistant
Action: Look at the bottom card in the draw pile. If it is an Action, has a name that is fewer than 6 syllables and it is red, put it into your hand. Otherwise, shuffle the draw pile. You can only use this ability once every third turn of yours.
I don't even know what I do.
A chosen opponent discards a card at random.
Action: Remove all cards in the discard pile from the game.
Remove all cards in play, in the discard pile, in the draw pile, in players hands, or in any other location from play. This card may only be played for this effect when it is February 29th, it is the last card in the players hand, and it is raining in Tokyo. In all other situations, this card reads: "Draw a card."
Thing - Supervillain
Action: Fire crotch-based laser - Destroy a Thing.
Why, God, why did you let this exist!?
When The Orb would be destroyed by a Thing, destroy the Thing instead. When The Orb would be destroyed by an Action, ignore the Action. Your hand size is 3.
Action: Erase target Thing's Action ability.
Action: Draw 2 cards.
It is The Orb.
Draw a card at the end of each turn of yours where you did not speak.
"I'm glad to see we've moved on past the duct tape."
Might Makes Right
Arm-wrestle target player. The winner draws 3 cards.
TFG: Transformation Gun
Action: Target living thing becomes male if female, and female if male or unknown.
"Quite disturbing, seeing one's son like that." -- Mr. Verres, El Goonish Shive, 2003-01-27
Action: Target living thing which has become altered in form is cloned, one clone having the altered form and the other reverting to normal.
"Put down the newspaper, dear." -- Mrs. Dunkle, El Goonish Shive, 2003-02-06
This card represents a brick.
Whenever the words 'target Thing' appear, it automatically applies to Target Thing.
A Random Thing
Whenever a card's text includes the words 'a random Thing', it automatically applies to A Random Thing.
The Element of Surprise
Action: Starting with you, each player draws a card and either plays it immediately or discards it.
Clearing the Air
Starting with you, each player plays a card from their hand, if they have one, or discards a card. Repeat until every player's hand is empty.
As this comes into play, each player may discard any number of cards. If a player ever has five cards in their hand, they are immediately eliminated.
Whenever a player plays a card, they must also discard a card from their hand. Whenever a player would draw a card, they discard that many cards instead.
What They Mean
All Money tokens have 'Action: Destroy X Money tokens and gain control of X÷2 Things'.
Draw any number of cards and destroy twice that many Things you control.
Full Steam Ahead
Action: Destroy five Things you control, to take another turn after this one.
Each player puts one Shadow token into play for every non-Token Thing they control.
When a card would go to the discard pile, you may instead remove it from the game.
When a card would be removed from the game, you may instead send it to the discard pile. This can not negate the effects of Hell, nor can Hell negate these effects.
With apology to Kevan....
You may give Poison to any Player when you play it.
At the start of your turn, put a counter on Poison.
If Poison ever has 6 or more counters on it, you lose.
The Mute Button
Action: Target player cannot speak until the beginning of your next turn.
You're really getting annoying.
Whenever a player destroys a Thing belonging to another player or causes another player to discard cards from their hand, they gain a Guilt token. Whenever a player has 4 Guilt tokens, they are eliminated from the game.
Action: Give control of a Thing you control to another player and destroy a Guilt token you control.
Put All of Your Eggs in One Basket
Draw X cards and skip your next X turns.
If a player would win the game, instead destroy this card and continue playing.
Target opponent with a Facebook account must update their status to "is losing at Dvorak" and discard a card, or otherwise discard their hand.
Bonfire of the Vanities
Each player secretly chooses a number of cards to discard. All players then discard that number of cards - if one player discarded more cards than all other players, they may draw three cards.
If you control copies of this card, none of them can be destroyed. This card is white in addition to being black.
Reality and Whatever
Things can only destroy Things that they would be capable of physically destroying in real life. Abstract Things cannot destroy tangible Things and vice-versa. All abstract Things are considered capable of destroying one another.
Panic panic panic stress stress stress! Play all the cards in your hand! No time to draw for the next five turns! Aaagh! You have to screeeeam to do this!
A Nice Cup of Tea
Draw until you have five cards in your hand, and skip your next turn.
Action: Change target Thing's text, colour and title to that of this card.
Each player draws a number of cards equal to the number of their relatives who died during the player's lifetime.
No cards have any colour.
At the start of each player's turn, that player must use every one of their Things' Action abilities. They all take effect simultaneously and do not count against any action frequency limits. (Ignore any Action abilities that cannot be legally used.)
On all cards other than this one, replace all instances of "five" with "two" and all instances of '5' with '2'.
Destroy target Thing which does not have another Thing played onto it, and has not been played onto another Thing.
Whenever an opponent plays an Action card, you may destroy Magic Mirror to play a copy of that Action.
Whenever a card is added to any player's hand, it is added to the leftmost position. Only the rightmost card in a player's hand may be played. The order of cards in a hand may not be changed.
Glass Ceiling (Not Zaratustra's)
No player, under any circumstances, can control more than 20 Things, including this one. If a player controls 25 Things, they win. It is impossible to win otherwise.
Figure this one out!
When this card comes into play, destroy all Things whose colour is not one of the colours of the flag of the country in which the game is taking place. No card may be played if its colour is not one of the colours on the flag of said country. This card's colour is the colour of your choice, given that the colour appears on the country's flag.
Wall of Wooden Fists
Each token counts as half a Thing.
Why is this card called Wall of Wooden Fists?
Work of Art
Play only if you control three Things. You may not play further Things. If a Thing you control leaves play, destroy this Thing. At the start of each of your turns, put an Artistic Value token into play. If you control five Artistic Value tokens, you win the game.
If you control ten Crate tokens, you win the game. Action: Destroy a non-Token Thing you control and put a Crate token into play.
Pick an opponent. Two random Things they control are destroyed.
Play at the end of any turn. Return each non-Token Thing that was destroyed this turn to play under your control.
Each player chooses a letter or number. Destroy each Thing whose title does not begin with one of the chosen letters or numbers.
Fake Out In Buenos Aires
At the start of your turn, choose a Thing with two or more words in its title and that does not have the word "Fake" in its title. Change one of the words in that card's title to "Fake".
If there are ten things in play with the word "Fake" in their titles, you win the game.
Play only if there are more than twenty Things in play. Destroy five Things.
Action: Destroy target non-white Thing.
"Why do people hate me? I'm supposed to hate!"
Attack of the Graveyard from Beyond the Grave!
Destroy a number of Things equal to the number of cards in the discard pile.
Moon Prism Crystal Cosmic Crisis Eternal Power Make Up!
In the turn this is played you are not affected by any cards with MOON, CRYSTAL, COSMIC, CRISIS, ETERNAL and PRISM ithe their names.
When this card is played, each player writes down a text for an Action (which cannot be related to victory) on a piece of paper without showing it to any other player. Then, randomly select a player. This card's text is considered to be the text that the random player wrote down, with the same player making any decisions it calls for.
Change the Course of History
Shuffle the draw pile. You can play this card during another player's turn, but if you do, you can't play an Action on your next turn.
The effects of your cards always override the effects of all other players' cards.
"Don't make me glare at you."
In the turn this is played you will look to all your opponents hand and take all cards that are color green(of any shade) or cards with green in their names.
Moon Kaleidoscopic Mirror Scepter
Action: Moon Healing Princess Spiral Rainbow Gorgeous Starlight Kiss!,Select an opponent and destroy all his/her controled things or destroy all your opponent's things with the card RAINBOW SAILORMOON .
Draw two cards. You may take two extra Actions this turn.
Discard an Action card - you get to play two copies of it, and an opponent of your choice gets to play one copy of it.
Twist or Stick
Draw and reveal a card. You may choose to repeat this any number of times, but if the revealed cards have a total of ten or more words in their titles, they must all be discarded and this card effect ends.
Attach an Action card from your hand to this card. At the start of each player's turn, they must play a copy of that Action - it doesn't count toward their Action-per-turn limit.
All of you opponents may not play any cards the next turn. Their Things in play still have effect.
Card by jtsang
Discard a card when you play this. Destroy one target Thing, plus one more for every 2 words in the discarded card's title.
At the start of each of your turns, choose a living Thing in play. Until the start of your next turn, this is an exact copy of that Thing.
Eternal Cosmic Moon Power Bubble Rainbow Blast
Destroy target Token.
Choose a Thing from the discard pile and put it into play under your control.
The Big Push
Whenever an Action is played, the player playing it must destroy a Thing they control, otherwise the Action has no effect.
Dvorak is Not For the Faint of Heart
Shout 'BOO!' in target player's face. If they show surprise, they discard 2 cards.
If it is sunny, play a card. If it is raining, draw a card. If it is windy, return a Thing to its owner's hand. If it is snowing, erase a Thing's text. If there is a thunderstorm, destroy a Thing. If it is hailing, destroy 2 Things. If it is cloudy, skip a player's next turn. If there is a rainbow, win the game.
When this card is played, pick 2 Things you control. This card's text is that of one of those Things plus the following sentence: Action: Replace this card's text, except for this sentence, with the text of the other selected Thing.
If the top card of the discard pile is a Thing, this card counts as a copy of it.
Players skip their draw phases, and cannot play cards (but can play Action abilities). If a player has no cards with Action abilities, or if both players agree that the warfare is over, this card is destroyed.
Gain control of a token. If there are no tokens in play, gain control of a Thing.
Whenever a Thing is destroyed, control of it is given to the player on its controller's right; it is not put in the discard pile.
Waka waka waka waka waka.
Give 3 copies (excluding the original) of target Thing to each player.
You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Put ten Money tokens into play.
When this comes into play, shuffle the discard pile into the draw pile. Action: Draw a card for every card in the discard pile, then shuffle the discard pile into the draw pile.
Pile 'Em High
If a player has more tokens than any other player, they may draw three cards.
Whenever you play a card, except for the first card you play each turn, put a counter on Mr. Xcitement.
Remove a counter from Mr. Xcitement: Draw a card.
Except the player who controls the fewest tokens, each player destroys tokens they control until all players control the same number of tokens as the player who controls the fewest. Players discard cards the same way, then destroy non-token Things they control the same way.
Whenever any player would draw a card, they must destroy a Token they control in order to draw it. (If they have no tokens, they cannot draw.) When there are no tokens in play, destroy this card.
When you play this, put five Biohazard tokens into play. While there are Biohazard tokens in play, Thing cards may not be played.
Discard a card, take another turn after this one, and return this card to your hand. You may not use the Action abilities of Things on that turn, or play any Actions other than this one.
As soon as this card has been in play for 10 seconds, destroy all Things in play.
If you get the reference, good for you.
Action: Crumple The Human Bullet into a ball, throw it onto the table from at least 4 feet away, and destroy the first Thing it touches. You may only do this once.
"Fire me, boy!"
While this card is in play, replace each card's colour its opposite colour.
This card's effect makes it red, so the darkroom reference works out in the end.
Play onto any living Thing. You have control of it while Headcrab is in play.
If the first letter of each card in a player's hand can be rearranged to spell a five-letter word, they may reveal their hand to win the game.
Fear and Surprise
Put a Thing from play on top of the draw pile.
Change Barry's name to the name of another Thing in play when Barry is played. That Thing's text is considered blank until Barry is destroyed.
"Shut up about the Happy Box!"
The Evil Midnight Bomber (What Bombs at Midnight!)
Action Put a Bomb token into play. Bomb tokens cannot be destroyed by Thing effects or Things' Action abilities. Once every 12 minutes, destroy all Bomb tokens in play and an equal number of Things.
"Tell me I'm wrong, baby! I can't, 'cause you're not, baby!"